A recent playdate with a friend and fellow marketing director, Rachael Walkey Fanopoulos, had my gears turning. While our toddlers climbed the play structures at our local park, we were trying to brainstorm content ideas on the topic of grit and resilience. When it comes to this topic the first thing I want to dig into is exploring ways in which we can raise gritty and resilient children so that they are better suited to deal with challenges, bounce back from adversity, and be successful in life. But Rachael’s mind was going in a different direction; she suggested we think about working mothers, ourselves, and our ability to juggle the demands of family and career/job. That evening, after putting my girls to be and the kitchen was cleaned, I did a little research on working moms in the U.S.
According to a population survey done last year by the Bureau of Labor Statistics, more than 57% of working-age women make up the U.S. workforce and 71.5% of these are moms who do the incredibly challenging task of balancing parenthood and career/job. While the numbers are staggering and the topic of working mothers is a fairly modern one, mothers in the workforce isn’t a new phenomenon. Mothers have always worked and we see this throughout history –mothers have worked in the fields, have supported men with their labors, have shared responsibility for household finances, have sustained their homes, and, of course, have raised children.
And whether we are the breadwinners or stay-at-home moms with a side gig, single parenting or co-parenting, employed full-time or part-time, etc. the amount of stress that we are under is critical. As reported by the Pew Research Center, 77% of moms who work outside the home face a lot of pressure to be an involved parent. So with mothers having to be multitaskers, raising children while having a plethora of labor responsibilities, how can we handle the demands and still be successful as mothers and meet our responsibilities on the job?
Luckily, there are techniques we can implement in our everyday lives to help us be more resilient and gritty so that we can quickly overcome setbacks and thrive in our endeavors. The list below includes my favorite techniques for building grit and resilience. See how you, too, can make these part of your life.
Listen To Your Body: Our bodies are amazing at communicating when something is not right. When the pressure is on we experience stress physically in the form of muscle tightness and pain, irritability, butterflies in the stomach, inability to concentrate, clenching teeth, etc. Being aware of when this is happening in our bodies is the first step in lowering our stress level. Do a body scan. Notice your body and how it is reacting –soften the space between your brows, loosen your jawbone, pull your shoulders back and away from your ears, take deep breaths, go on a short walk to pull yourself away from the stressor. These small changes may sound simple but they are actually quite difficult to implement when we are not accustomed to paying attention to our body’s reactions. Mindfulness takes practice.
Learn From Adversity: Experience with adversity makes us stronger so think about a time in your life that was particularly difficult for you –How did you feel in that situation? What did you do to get through the hardship? Resilient people look back on their adverse experiences and learn from the way in which they handled the situation. This exercise will better prepare you to deal with a similar situation in the future. Ask yourself, what did I do right? What could I change about how I managed that situation? What else could I have done to lessen the impact?
Be Proactive: Tackle challenges head on. Don’t wait for the problem to fix itself, chances are the problem will get worse as time goes by. Think about steps you can take to cope and/or fix the situation. Use creative thinking to solve your challenge and don’t be afraid to tackle it in as many different ways as you see necessary. Most importantly, ensure you are not approaching the issue with a defeatist attitude. Saying “why is this happening to me?” or “why is the universe conspiring against me?” will make the situation unmanageable and unfixable. A positive, problem-solving mindset will provide better results.
Use A Support Network: Resilient people are able to accept and seek help from others when needed. When we have a support system, the likelihood of overcoming adversity is higher. Aid from family members, friends and peers better positions us to face our challenges. This tactic was especially difficult for me –as a self-described loner I often tackled challenges all on my own. This only led to more stress and anxiety. When I finally sought help, I learned that leaning on others alleviated my stress level; whatsmore, I was surprised to see that it allowed me to form stronger bonds with the people who came to my aid. Whether small or large, there is no shame in asking for help. After all, it takes a village to raise a child!
Practice Self-care: While taking long baths, using essential oils, and going to yoga classes are great ways to care for ourselves, we often don’t take the time to acknowledge all we do and truly be grateful to ourselves for showing up day after day. Self-care in this instance then is about compassion for ourselves –loving who we are, giving ourselves proper credit, and cutting ourselves some slack when we’re not at our best. When we see ourselves more compassionately we have more room for forgiveness when we mess up and we are able to learn from the challenges we face.
Pursue Your Passions: My friend Rachael puts is best “whether we’re a working mom or a stay-at-home mom, the ‘busy’ can sometimes take over and we are left feeling like a hamster on a wheel. Trying to keep up with deadlines plus our children’s school work, activity schedules, meal planning, camp sign ups, home and yard upkeep (the list goes on and on, topped off with big laundry-filled cherry on top) can leave us feeling depleted. How can we be running a sprint and a marathon all at once? While self-care can keep us afloat emotionally (and our grays covered), what about the bigger picture? Mom’s passions and interests often come last on the list of to-do’s. I found that getting out to attend industry conferences or taking a passion-project class can be the building blocks that keep that hamster wheel spinning with an upward trajectory. Pencil in one event per month to get you out, meeting people and talking about things other than your child’s soccer team. We wear many hats and the sophisticated, interesting, cultured one still fits. With a little grit, you’ll walk out that door… and strut back before your 10pm bedtime feeling invigorated.”
Be A Role Model: I’m always thinking about what I can do to teach my girls to be gritty and resilient, but really the best way to do this is by me modeling these behaviours. When I have failed at something, instead of beating myself up, I problem solve. When I have a specific goal I work diligently towards achieving it, celebrating the small steps that got me closer to it. Our children are little mimics, they do as we do. So be a doer, be gritty, be resilient!
I hope these tips help you navigate the challenges of being a working mom. And if you’re among the 77% of mom’s who face a lot of pressure to be an involved parent there’s good news for you… A Harvard University study found that children (particularly daughters) of working moms are more likely to grow up to be high achievers and happy individuals too!
**Rachael Walkey Fanopoulos is a marketing director in the greater Boston area and is a super mom to three kids, a ten-year-old, a seven-year-old, and an adorable 17-month-old toddler.